the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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