Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
