Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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