my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
