my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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