party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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