Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
