Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
