i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
