I looked at my own cervix.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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