peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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