Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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