Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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