My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
