What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
