Princesses don't give blow jobs
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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