Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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