Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
