One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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