Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
