I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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