I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
