I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
