What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
