I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
