The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
