If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
