He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
