Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
