i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
