Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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