I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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