Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Randomize
