need another drink. this is the easiest way
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
