Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
