The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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