Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
