i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
