rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Damn victory sex feels great
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
