ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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