I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she smelled like a LAN party
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
