I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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