Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
