Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i have two assholes
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
