its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
