I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
