Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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