I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
