Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
