if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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