dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
