By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
