did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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