Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
