Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Life is so much better after having sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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